I recently had my second baby and he is a little brother to a big brother. We didn’t find out the sex of either baby as we wanted the surprise. I honestly had no preference for the gender of number two, but there was no denying that my husband was desperately hoping for a girl. I know so many of my friends and family were also hoping we’d have a girl, purely because we’d already had a boy. I wouldn’t have wanted another baby if I only wanted a girl as that surely would have been setting myself up for disappointment if we had a boy and having a baby is the opposite extreme to disappointment, so a beautiful healthy baby is all I wanted. I got my amazing, beautiful baby and through a magical water birth that made it all the more wonderful. And while he was all wrapped up on my chest, the sex still unknown I was enjoying this new life through a beautiful cuddle, so I didn’t want to unwrap him to find out whether he was a boy or girl, I was so completely elated regardless. I can say very honestly that there wasn’t the slightest hint of disappointment when I saw he was a boy. I was absolutely in awe of him and the fact I had grown this precious little human in my body and here he was. My husband is far from disappointed, but does say he was ‘hoping’ for a girl. I think that feeling is very natural and it’s wonderful he’s so honest about it. I don’t think any less of him as I know he couldn’t be happier with our amazing son.
We didn’t receive any ‘disappointing’ type comments whatsoever when we announced his arrival, but before he was born so many people assumed I was hoping for a girl and would comment to this effect. It almost made me feel like there was some pressure to have a girl so they wouldn’t be disappointed for me. I have several friends who have all just given birth to their second child and at least 90 per cent of them had the opposite sex to their first. I don’t feel jealous as there is nothing we can do to control what sex our children are so they aren’t any more blessed than I am to have two wonderful children.
I think I would even go so far as to say that having two of the same sex will actually be even more wonderful for me as they are only 20 months apart so I’m sure they will be great mates growing up and play together nicely. And if this isn’t the case, then so be it. This is not to say that two girls or a boy and a girl can’t have a lovingly beautiful relationship either, but I am saying I’m grateful I have my boys and most importantly, I am so delighted I have been given the opportunity to have two children and two very different children at that. Not only do they look completely different (polar opposites – think blond hair and blue eyes compared to brown hair and brown eyes), but they have completely different personalities. My experience of being a mum the second time around couldn’t be more different either and although some of that would be due to my confidence etc, a lot of it has to do with their different personalities. Even their births were one extreme to the other.
So many people use the term ‘lucky’ when they have a ‘pigeon pair’ like it is more special than having two of the same sex. I don’t think that they are any more lucky than I am to have my two very different boys. If we have a third baby, I have absolutely no doubt it will be a boy as I’ve always had a feeling I’d only have boys and this certainly wouldn’t stop me trying for a third baby. My parents had four children and the first three were girls… The fourth and final was a boy and although there was no denying they desperately would have loved a boy after three girls, they weren’t trying for a boy – four kids was what they were meant to have and there definitely wasn’t going to be anymore after number four regardless of gender! Number four was in fact a surprise and only 16 months after number three (which is me)!! My brother and I grew up extremely close – much closer than my sisters and I and fortunately we are still very close. But of course it is wonderful having sisters who were by my side when I got married and are there to talk girl stuff and enjoy girl outings etc and I can’t deny I would have really felt like I was missing out if I only had a brother.
I really don’t think there is a perfect combination of children, but I do think having any combination of children is perfect for each family and I wouldn’t wish for anything other than what I’m given. I do feel for those that have that desperate need or want for a boy or girl and don’t get it, but I’m glad I’m indifferent.